Thursday Confessions

Today I'm linking up with Jess and Annie!

// I fall asleep on the sofa nightly. Usually right in the middle of a show that Patrick and I have begun watching. Its really inevitable, I fall asleep hard. Patrick wakes me up at the end and says he's going up to bed. I immediately get up and go upstairs, one would think I would quickly get ready for bed and fall fast asleep. Wrong. I get ready for bed but by the time I get in bed I've caught my second wind and am wide awake. It's really counter productive to fall asleep on the sofa. I should just go to bed before I get to that point. But I can't. I never do. Its really a terrible habit. It bugs Patrick so much. He doesn't understand why if I'm dead asleep on the sofa why I can't just go right to sleep when I get upstairs.

// I am a total hypochondriac. Big time. It's bad. I have created one big rule for me in this area. Never use Dr. Google. For the most part I'm really good about staying off. I find it just gives me even more anxiety if I do google. However, I broke my rule yesterday. I self diagnosed myself. I'm ever doctors worst nightmare as a patient. We will see if I'm right when I go for a check up in a few weeks.

// I am a total overgrammer on Instagram and I snapchat way too much! First step is admitting it..right? I clearly think my kids are super cute and I am awful at a baby book so I feel like when I post these pictures to insta I am really creating a baby book in my mind. I need to start ordering Chat Books...anyone have a good experience with that? As far as snapchat goes...Its just fun. I love seeing the short snip its people post. And the filters..don't even get me started. Jack loves them. We laugh and laugh and laugh at them. It makes for a fun afternoon. You can follow me on instagram @emilynbeaman or snapchat @ebeaman26

// I officially stopped pumping this week. I am equal parts excited and sad. I am so proud of myself for making it 5 months. Thats 4.5 months longer than I ever thought I'd last. I'm sad because for some reason I feel guilty, like I'm letting Graham down. I don't know why I feel like this. Jack was formula fed from very early on. I have no aversion to formula. I just feel differently this time around. My once huge freezer stash is quickly dwindling. It's amazing how quickly that gets used up when you are dependent upon only that.

// Next weekend is my sisters wedding! I can't wait to get back to Charlotte and see my sweet family. I also can't wait to have 3 nights of completely uninterrupted sleep and the ability to sleep in past 7. {which probably won't even happen}.

There you have few fun confessions for you! I would love to hear if you have any confessions or fun admissions. I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. This week has gone pretty fast!

Checking in: January Goals

I started the little blog of mine back in January after many months of wanting to and thinking that I couldn't or shouldn't. Some days I still only think that my husband reads it. One of my first posts was about my January goals....I didn't want to set new years resolutions because I knew that would just set me up for failure.

I thought It would be fun to check in and see how I was doing with said goals...

Before I do that I just have to say that this cute babe turned 5 months old Monday and I can't believe it! I will be doing his 5 month update tomorrow if I can get my act together if not look for it early next week!

Organization.... I feel like I have really taken strides to become more organized. I cleaned out my closet and bathroom, organized our junk cabinet in the kitchen and I've been working hard at keeping things picked up and beds made for the most part. I just recently went through the kids winter clothes and put them in bins and will take them to the attic today. I want to go through the guest room closet which has become a catch all for who knows what.

I haven't been using my planner like I should. I really need to get into it and write everything down. If you have any tips on how you use your planner please let me know....its currently sitting on my desk open to a previous week. #fail

I also have yet to read this book...it sits on my nightstand but by the time I get in bed I really don't want to read. We are traveling to Charlotte in a week for my sisters wedding, maybe I'll bring it and read it in the car. {wishful thinking}

Fitness...... I have been working towards my goal of 3-5 workouts per week. Some weeks it happens some weeks it doesn't. I am working towards getting Graham on a strict nap schedule and hopefully with this I will find more time to workout. Time is an awful excuse I know...there are definitely times when I could workout and I'm either tired {excuse} or have some other things I'd like to accomplish during nap times {laundry, cleaning up, catching up on shows...excuse, excuse, excuse} Hence why I am not a beach body coach.  I do try to get in some sort of workout a couple times a week, and some weeks..it doesn't happen.

Those were my 2 goals to start the new year off...I haven't completely abandoned ship which is a major win in my book! Throughout the start of this year I've tried to do a few more things that help to make life right now smoother.

Up until about a month ago I would wait to get up until one of the boys woke up. I have never been a morning person and waking up until the last possible minute was always my jam. This did not bode well for me with 2 babies to take care of. I was finding that I didn't have time to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee, catch up on my morning reads, watch the news, and just generally wake up. I was getting frustrated and not very nice towards Patrick when he would up and leave for work right as the boys were waking up. So...one day he sat me down and told me I needed to make a change and start getting up earlier. This generally would help make everyones mornings smoother and happier. I have been getting up when Patricks alarm goes off at 6 a.m. {give or take 15...20 min}. I do love having the extra time in the mornings....when my kids haven't decided to wake up even earlier. {hello 5 am wakes up....mama does NOT do 5 am!} Over all our mornings have been much smoother since making this transition and honestly I wasn't really getting that much more sleep anyways.

One new goal that I would love to start doing is to be unplugged more. I swear my phone has become an extended body part. {i'm not proud} I know that I don't need to check Facebook 1000 times a day, that those cute pictures on instagram will still be there an hour later, and that the text message from my BFF can wait 20 minutes. For some reason I cannot seem to unplug....I saw a friend posted this "detox" yesterday and I'm seriously thinking about trying it. I'll let you know how it goes....if I can actually bring myself to do it.

So there you go...an update on my goals and a few new ones to start working on! Do you have any goals that you made and have either kept or abandoned ship on? Would love to hear how you're doing in the comments!

Have a great Wednesday friends!

Easter 2016

Whew what a fun weekend!! This Monday was extra hard to get up for...it doesn't help that both my kids were up at 5 am...no, just no.

We had a great weekend celebrating Easter! Friday morning I tried to snap some cute pictures of my two kiddos wearing their matching Easter shirts...that went well. Even with an M&M bribery Jack wanted nothing to do with it. #reallife

 Jack went to school and Graham and I ran some errands. Patrick was home most of the day which was a nice surprise! We had a low key night. Ordered pizza and caught up on our DVR. We were in bed by 9:45 {my kind of night!}

Saturday morning we headed to our club for breakfast with the Easter Bunny and an egg hunt. We met some friends there and had a great time. Graham slept most of the time and Jack had so much fun. He really loved an egg hunt this year. I wasn't sure if he would be into it this year or not, I was wrong. He loved it..He was such an egg hog. Jack and his bff Charlotte have the sweetest bond. They have been friends since they were little babies and they love each other so much. They get so excited when they see each other, as if they didn't just spend the whole day together the day before. I dread the day when he thinks she has cooties and they don't want to play!

Brunch and the egg hunt wore me out! We spent the rest of the day at home and were in bed super early again!

Sunday morning rolled around and I was busy getting food ready to take to our friends for lunch after church and getting everyone ready to be out the door by 10:30. But not before we let the boys open their baskets. Of course Graham could have cared less and Jack was sure to dig into his basket as if it were his own.

  I apparently still don't have it down trying to get two littles ready and myself early in the morning. It seems like no matter how early I start I'm still rushing around at the last minute and end up leaving out the door in a rush...breaking a mild sweat. But I did have time to try and snap a picture of Jack in his sweet outfit...he on the other hand didn't feel like smiling...shocker.

This was the first time we had left Graham in the church nursery. I knew Jack was going to scream as soon as we got there but had a little hope that maybe with Graham he would be ok. Wrong. He started screaming the second we walked in the door and I left him screaming as I walked down the hall.  Break my mama heart. It was so nice to be back at Church especially on Easter Sunday! We went to pick the boys up after and I was fully prepared to hear screaming still. Thankfully Jack was not crying...but of course Graham was.

We went to lunch at our friends house and had the best meal! The weather did not cooperate...hey rain and cold! So they kids were not able to do an egg hunt outside...now I have a ginormous basket full of candy filled eggs...guess I'll have to eat them!

The boys didn't get down for naps until late and by that time I was flat worn out from the day! It was a great weekend full of family time and some relaxing.

I hope you had the best weekend too! Have a great Monday friends!

Friday Favorites

Happy Good Friday! What a fun weekend we have coming up. I love Easter but honestly it doesn't even feel like it. It's so early this year and has kind of snuck up on me. Jack is loving hunting for Easter Eggs so I'm excited to see him do some more of that this weekend.

Linking up with Erika, Karli, and April today!

// Katie posted this recipe for banana muffins this week. She said they were toddler approved. I needed to test them out with my picky toddler..the fact that they have spinach in them was a major win for me. Hello secret hidden veggies! While they are a funky color...bright green, they were tasty and Jack has been eating them up. He especially likes the mini ones that I made. Thanks for the toddler food hack Katie!

// I got a swell water bottle for Christmas, I  love it! It keeps my water cold for so long. I was in target today and noticed that Swell has created a brand for Target. The bottles appear to be the exact same just a different shape and they come in these fun colors! I think they would make a great gift especially if you slap a cute monogram on them, because....duh everything is better with a monogram! 

// I posted this picture on my instagram page the other day. These boys have such a special bond already. I love catching them in sweet moments like this. Jack is so attentive to Graham and cares about him so much. It is amazing to see how much they love each other. 

// Jack is entering the phase where he can tell me exactly what he wants or doesn't want to wear. I tried to put red shoes on him today and it was "no mommy, blue shoes!" He found these rain boots that I had planned to put in his Easter basket #fail and insisted on wearing them today. Luckily they were a little big and I convinced him that he should leave them at home and not wear to school. 

// This little bunny melts my heart! I laughed at the fact that he could fit in his Easter basket...luckily I realized I had ordered the wrong size and the sweet shop owner sent me the correct one. Maybe when he's in high school he will be big enough to carry this bag. The boys baskets came from this etsy shop. She is currently on a break to finish orders but if you are in the market for a darling basket that will be kept forever check her out! 

// This week has been full of Easter egg hunts for Jack. He really has gotten into it and actually was quite the egg hog at his preschool hut this week. We had a little playdate at our house on Wednesday and set out eggs for the boys to look for. He could care less what's in the eggs its just the act of finding them...maybe bc I also put the basket full of candy up so he couldn't eat it all! 

// This sweet boy will be 5 months on Monday. I can not believe it! He is the happiest sweetest babe ever and I feel so lucky to be his mama....even when he refuses to nap and screams his head off for an hour straight #truth 

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and spend it with your family celebrating and remembering the true meaning of this holiday weekend! 

Graham's Birth Story {part 2}

Happy Thursday! looks like after today we've made it to the long weekend!

Part 2 of Graham's birth story is not nearly as easy as part 1 was!

Right after Graham was born he was placed on my chest for a few minutes. He was then taken by a nurse to be cleaned up and have his APGAR scores done. Once this was done they wrapped him up and put him back on my chest. As we were snuggling I realized that it sounded like he was grunting to breathe. I didn't remember Jack doing this so I asked the nurse if it was normal. She took him from me to listen to his breathing. It was determined that he was having some trouble breathing on his own and they decided that the NICU doctor needed to be called to come assess him.

right after they told me they needed to take him to the NICU

At this point I'm starting to freak out a little bit but decided to wait to hear what the doctor said. I really assumed that he would come in listen to his breathing and tell me it was completely normal and we would move to the recovery room and go about our night. I'm not exactly sure of everything that happened next, the doctor came in, listened to him and then started rambling on and on about every worse case scenario that could happen.

I was group B strep positive and did not have the full 4 rounds of IV antibiotics so at one point I remember the doctor saying something about a possible infection among a million other things...not exactly what a new mom who just had a baby 30 minutes ago wants to hear. It was right about now that I burst into tears and began to sob uncontrollably...hello hormones!

It all happened very quick...one minute he was in my arms and the next he was being prepared to be taken down to the NICU for observation. I asked if Patrick could walk with him down there and they told me no...er...say what? Patrick was trying to gather all of the information he could from the doctor.  meanwhile I am a basket case thinking the worst case scenario. {he's always so good like that..the calm, cool, and collected one!}

The wheeled Graham out of the room and started to get me ready to be moved to the recovery room. My wonderful nurse reassured me that he would be just fine and most likely back in our room in a couple hours. She told me a lot of baby boys that are born early have what is known as "whimpy white boy syndrome" where they are lazy breathers. I decided to trust what she was saying and pulled myself together.

We got back settled in our room and my epidural began to wear off. By this time I was itching to get down to the NICU to check on Graham. Once the epidural wore off we were able to go down there. I really had no idea what to expect. We got down to Grahams little pod and he was in one of those baby incubator things. He had wires all over him and a breathing tub under his nose taped down over his cheeks. He looked so tiny and helpless. We weren't allowed to take him out but could stick our hands through those little openings and touch him.

I have to say the NICU nurses are the best nurses around. They are so sweet and attentive and answered all my millions of questions that I'm sure were quite ridiculous to them. They told me that he was starting to breath better. They had begin to treat him for a possible infection but it would take 48 hours to know for sure if he had it or not. They were treating regardless...thankfully after 48 hours the test were negative and there was no infection! The nurse told me he would probably be back in our room at least by morning if not middle of the night. I said to bring him down whenever they were ready!

We went back to our room to try and sleep...ha. This is a joke..I was an emotional wreck that I didn't have my baby with me by my side. I asked the nurse for something to help me sleep. I'm thankful I did because I was able to get a somewhat good nights sleep...for a hospital, and being 6 hours post partum.

We woke up that next morning...still no Graham. We quickly ate some breakfast and went down to the NICU. I was missing my baby!  More of the same from the night before. No one could give us a definite answer as to when he would be able to leave the NICU but that it was nothing serious. I guess they were still monitoring his breathing and wanting to make sure he would tolerate feeds. This continued all day Thursday...and again on Friday. By this point it was Friday morning and I was going to be discharged....cue the tears, again! It was not in my plan to leave the hospital without my babe. After a lot of back and fourth between us and the nurses and the doctors it was decided that Graham could be moved from the NICU to the Special Care Nursery where they would treat him for jaundice and continue to monitor him. After more tears from me {shocking I know} Patrick and I decided that we would go home for the night to get a good nights sleep. This was the best decision we could have made for my mental health. We had wonderful nurses in the SCN and they gave me the direct line to their desk if I wanted to call at any point.

This was Halloween and the sweet SCN nurses bought all the babies these onesies..this was a NB size and he was swimming in it

This continued on Saturday and again on Sunday. By this point we were all ready to be home. I was missing Jack {and missed halloween with him} and wanted to bring Graham home so we could finally be a family of 4. Thankfully by Sunday afternoon Graham's levels were good and we were discharged! {cue the choirs singing!} We got home that evening and finally were able to see Jack and introduce him to his new baby brother. It was the sweetest introduction and my heart melted right then and there.

And then on Tuesday we ended up back in the hospital! {Insert crying emoji face here} His jaundice levels went back up. We spent another 2 days here and finally on November 5th {Jacks 2nd birthday} we brought Graham home for good!

It definitely was not the birth plan that I had ever envisioned but with the help of some amazing nurses it was not nearly as traumatic as it could have been. We are blessed to have a happy and healthy baby whom we couldn't imagine life without!

I know that this was a long post but there are so many details from that first week that I wanted to write down. While some things I would love to forget, I will be happy to have this to look back on and remember what exactly we went through to have our tiny babe here with us!