Thursday, February 22, 2018

How Do You Know When Your Family Is Complete?

Hey ya'll! Today I am getting personal and pretty raw with you. I have had this drafted in the notes section of my phone for the past month and I have not had time, or the want to sit down and write this out. I feel like this is such an easy question to answer for some and for others its so much more complex.

When you first get married people start asking when you're going to have a baby. When you have your first you immediately get asked, "when are you going to go for number 2" and then you have two of the same gender, boys in my case, and you get asked on the regular "when are you going to try for that girl?" which to me, all of the above questions are so rude and none of anyones business!!

So to answer the question "how do you know when your family is complete?" simply put...I don't know! Prior to having kids if you would have asked me how many kids I wanted I would have said without a doubt 3 or 4. And frankly that answer did not change until very recently. This topic of conversation has been one of the biggest sources of disagreement in our marriage. Patrick is happy and complete with our two perfect boys. He has no desire to have another baby and would happily sell every baby item we have in the attic tomorrow if I said so.

I on the other hand have not felt that sense of closure and finality. I've always said that Grahams birth was so quick and unexpected I don't think I ever fully had time to think "Gosh, this could be my last baby". Life is quickly growing easier and easier with each passing day so for me, the thought of going back to sleepless nights, sleep training, endless years of diapers and that general hard baby stage doesn't exactly sound like a piece of cake to me.

To be completely honest, if we had a boy and a girl I think I could say "we are done!" But when you have two of the same gender you always wonder "what if" My girlfriend and I, who also happens to have two boys who are my boys best friends, always say that if we could guarantee that our third would be a girl and we wouldn't be sick during pregnancy we would go for it. But knowing both of us, we would end up with a third boy! Which of course would be so fun, but man I'm not sure this mama can handle 3 boys!

As the days become easier and easier and we get further away from that baby stage I am beginning to feel content. I love my boys and they are wild and trying and keep me on my toes but raising them in the greatest joy in my life. Of course there is a part of me that will always long for a girl. That mother/daughter bond is like none other. I also would be lying if I didn't say that the thought of my boys not needing me anymore, not wanting to hold my hand or kiss my cheeks or sit next to me puts a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. But I am beginning to believe that our family, our sweet little family of four is complete. I believe that there will always be a part of me that wants more babies, I loved each pregnancy and the thought of not experiencing that again makes me sad but there is so much joy in the days and years ahead of raising 2 boys.

So while the answer is very clear for some on if their family is complete, for me, it's not a straight yes or no. But for me, right now, on this day and in this month I feel good. I feel that my hands are full and my heart is even fuller and I'm okay with that!

I'd love to know if you had a clear yes or no to this answer or if you also felt like I do and wonder if you will ever truly know the answer.

*linking up with Owen


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  2. We know we are finished with our two boys, but moreso because we have received that contentment and peace from the Lord about it. There are days that I wonder, “What if we had a girl?” But I also know that God have us what He gave us and my job is to be content in that. But, of course, if you feel that strong tug in your heart to have another, then I say go for it. Life is hard and exhausting and difficult now sometimes, but it won’t always be that way! You can do anything for a short while. ;)

    Also, it irks me when people A) Assume that I want a third child because I have two boys and B) Newsflash: I can’t “try for a girl.” I can try to get pregnant, but it’s a 50/50 shot. I don’t understand why people feel this is any of their business whatsoever to even ask these questions, but alas, they do. 🙄 Sheesh, people.

  3. In my second pregnancy, I'm already wondering about this. We know our family will not be complete with two children, but have felt pulled towards adoption since we began dating in college. This pregnancy has been incredibly hard on my body and it's felt like that keeps me from having a clear focus on actually deciding if we're a 3 or 4 family, if we should pursue adoption, etc etc. It's so hard! I

  4. This is something I’m currently struggling with. I always wanted 3 or 4. When we found out that our third was a boy, we said he would be oue last. Now that he is 8 months old I’m having a hard time with that. My girls are so close (They’re close in age too. Only 20 months apart) and I really want that for Jack. I guess we’ll jus have to see. If it doesn’t happen within the next two years, then we’re done. I don’t want to be having a baby at 40.

  5. I can only imagine how much of a struggle this is!

  6. Oh my gosh I could have written this WORD FOR WORD. Mike and I have more arguments and deep talks about a third child than I can count (obviously I am the one rooting for baby #3). He is SO content and jokingly encourages me to sell every single baby item. But I have felt my heart becoming more and more content with life as it is. It's just getting so much EASIER. I pray we both find that 100% contentment and fulfillment to know if we are complete!

  7. I am having the same issue with trying to decide. I feel like my family is complete right now, but then I ache for the delivery I never got, the newborn smell, the snuggles and seeing my girls be older sisters to another baby. It is such a struggle.

  8. I love having just 1. I love the stage we are in as parents with a 5 year old. I would NEVER make it if I had another one. I know my abilities and what I'm mentally capable of and CJ is it for us.

  9. We thought we were totally done after Lucy and then God had other plans for our family. I didn't feel done after Vera and then when we miscarried and struggled to get pregnant, it was really hard. 4 seems like a lot so I am just going to assume we will be done after that but I have learned to never say never but I really hope God is on the same page that our family is complete ;)! xoxo ERIN

  10. I love your honesty about wanting a girl. Most moms who have two or more of the same gender say that they are completely content, and I'm sure that they are since ANY baby is a gift from God, but I know in my heart if I hadn't had a girl, that I would have felt like something was missing. And because nobody EVER says that out loud, it makes me feel bad to even think that I would have those thoughts. I really appreciate your honesty because I don't think I've ever heard anyone with all babies of the same gender actually say that.

    And really, even though I do have one of each, a small part of me will always long for another just because it's tough coming to terms with the fact that I'll never snuggle my own newborn again.

  11. I have something similar to this drafted in my drafts I need to finish and post too! I have 2 girls and know for a fact that we are done. Thankfully both my husband and I are on the same page with this as well. I need to finish this post and get it up!


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